sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I could make wine with my vomit
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize