Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
