I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Green mimosas i think yes
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
