what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm getting married
To pizza
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
