those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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