I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Need sex. Gaining weight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
