I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
