and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
