The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I want a musical about memes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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