yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize