So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
