If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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