the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he puts the penis in happiness.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
