im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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