drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
