i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Let's paint friendship bongs
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
