But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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