She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
