Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
