The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize