Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
