I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
