Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
