i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
