so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
