We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Please don't give away my fajitas
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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