If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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