I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize