p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
im on a boat
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