Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
