if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
