He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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