buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
