so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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