i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
