I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
