I just saw a hot homeless man
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've blown a few things in my day
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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