Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
