Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
