dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
