Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
