i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
