I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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