You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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