She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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