i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
