I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
