took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize