I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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