So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
