were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
