Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
