Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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