Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
