theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You need a sexual gate keeper
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
