As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All the doctor said was why
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
