Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
