I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I party with great urgency now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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