If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
