Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
