When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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