I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
