that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
