My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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