We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
