who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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