Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
