Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
