proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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