I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
