as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
