Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
