I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
