You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
