So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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