Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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