I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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