mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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