The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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