I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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