You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
