I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
