Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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