what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
