I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She's the barista slut.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
