I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
