you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize