this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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