great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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