Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
