There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
