Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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