Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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