i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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