I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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