Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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