Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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