hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
