Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
