i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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