So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
