in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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