i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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