I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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